


How Dominic Potter Became the Rogue, and other short stories

by Asvel



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Gen, Inspired by The Rigel Black Chronicles
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-22
Updated: 2021-02-23
Packaged: 2021-03-12 03:14:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,369
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29628231
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Asvel/pseuds/Asvel
Summary: A collection of crack.
Comments: 10
Kudos: 34





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Harry is still grounded. Harry decides that if she cannot go to the world, then the world will come to her. By way of someone who's bound to follow her orders and yet is not at all bound to follow James Potter's orders, perhaps? Now all she needs is a body, and look who's just invented a body-making potion.

Harry Potter invites Caelum Lestrange to lunch on one of her rarely allowed outings. 

"If you don't tell me how that potion goes, I'll point Dad at you. If you do, I'll pass off everything we know about it as the product of our research. Should get you back in his good graces, as an added bonus. Well?"

It says something about Potter that she starts with blackmail, instead of asking like a normal person. (Or maybe it says something about himself. But since he's perfect, it must be Potter.)

\--  
"Whoa, it's your secret older brother! Where have you been hiding him all this time?" - Archie Black

"I wouldn't have shown you that potion if I'd known it would mean one more Potter running around." - Caelum Lestrange

"Harry, you can't just do that to me. I'm the Head Auror. I have to set a good example. The Head Auror's daughter can't be running around creating necromantic golem bodies for ancient artifacts of questionable morals and ethics. How on earth am I going to explain this to the office?" - James Potter

\--  
The newly christened Dominic Potter invites Lionel Hurst to lunch. 

"How about a deal? I'll, ah, _encourage_ Harry in your direction, and you'll let me take over the crown after you retire to spend time with your lady."  
"Hmm, let me think about that for a second. How about no?"  
"Well, the alternative is I could challenge you. Now. Wouldn't you rather have an orderly transition at a time of your choosing?"

\--  
"What have you done this time? I knew giving you that body was a bad idea." - Harry

"And you couldn't have spared a thought for your 'distant cousin' the Head Auror BEFORE you decided to become the criminal overlord mastermind of the lower alleys?" - James again

\--  
The best part is that neither Harry, Leo nor James can find any fault with his running of the Lower Alleys. Power-hungry and megalomaniacal he might be, as Harry frequently reminds him, but nobody can say he isn't a good ruler.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Caelum actually hits a bunch of markers for the Rigel Black Child, and can't seem to convince anyone otherwise...

It began innocently enough. 

"Say, Bellatrix, what ever happened to the blue and white vase that used to be on that corner table?" Cousin Regulus has come over to Dartmoor to have a chat with Caelum's parents, probably about that Rigel Black character. 

"Oh, Bella threw it at Caelum the other month when he was flooing out, and then we couldn't repair it like usual because one of the pieces went through with him." Can't even blame daddy dearest for this one, considering the alternative is his mother's attention. 

"And where was he going that he deserved a vase thrown at his head?"

Mother looks like she's swallowed a lemon. "Potter Place."

Regulus's gaze sharpens uncomfortably. 

"Pray tell, what were you doing at Potter Place?"  
"Brewing potions."  
"Come to think of it, you are rather good at potions, aren't you?"  
"What are you implying?"  
"Nothing, nothing. Only, well, I noticed you were rather unhappy about not going to Hogwarts a few years ago. Something about learning from the best Potions Master in the country, or something."  
"He is, and I was, but Durmstrang's education is satisfactory, and has not hampered my ability to gain a Potions Mastery."  
"Ah, but don't you see the similarity to current events?"  
"You can't possibly think-"

With a flick of Regulus's wand, Caelum is disarmed, bound and petrified. He listens in growing horror as the three other people in the room collectively decide that he could be the Pretender. Luckily, he's no slouch at wandless magic. Not insensible to the irony that this is all Potter's fault, either. But where else can he go, right now? 

"Potter Place!"

Mother's reflexes are excellent, but that's another vase she won't be able to repair. A green one, this time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 2: in which James gets the completely wrong impression, but at least he doesn't think Caelum is the Pretender. Yet.
> 
> "Please, you have to do something about this."  
> "Do I?"  
> "I'm begging you..."  
> "Don't you have to be on your knees to beg?"
> 
> He does it, because he's really out of ideas right now. Of course, this is when James Potter comes through the doorway. 
> 
> James: WHAT ARE YOU DOING YOU SON OF A-  
> Harry: He's tying his boot laces.  
> James: In his boots without laces?  
> Harry: um...Happy April Fools?  
> James, right eye twitching: In August?  
> Archie: Rigel had boots with laces, Uncle James. I think she's still not over him. See, she's seeing him everywhere.
> 
> (note: Caelum, formal request for asylum, political clout vs Party, another vase fragment, carefully retrived wand before leaving Dartmoor and yes harry taught me that whole wandless thing)
> 
> Chapter 3: the SOW party discusses RBC's identity as Caelum. Bella makes eyes at Riddle, someone brings up Rigel being a half blood, and Rodolphus goes off the rails. 
> 
> Short pieces as follows:  
> \- Eric Albright feels totally vindicated  
> \- James is even more horrified, because he's finally heard that Caelum is French Rigel.  
> \- Harry is unable to convince Archie to stop pushing the French Rigel Loves Harry story. Dom is suggesting increasingly farfetched ways to leverage current events to take over the world, or for a change of pace, Dom is suggesting methods to make Caelum actually fall in love with Harry. Harry is appropriately horrified, but Archie is laughing his ass off (this conversation is taking place in Harry's mindscape because Reasons.)  
> \- Caelum is now on Voldemort's hit list. Leo's ears bring him news of what Voldemort is up to, and Leo muses over letting Voldemort kill the competition, before regretfully deciding that the safety of the alleys comes first, even if that means offing Voldemort before he offs Caelum. (Also, he suspects that Harry would not forgive him if he just let Voldemort kill Caelum.)  
> \- Rigel's friends discuss the updates
> 
> Pansy: Well, it seems pretty clear that the Lestrange Heir isn't Rigel. So who's volunteering to go tell the Party?  
> Draco: Not me, life-debt remember?  
> Blaise: Who cares? Lestrange is an ass. 
> 
> There are nods and murmurs of agreement around the room.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Caelum is actually the RBC.

"Did you have a good semester at Durmstrang?"

Well, no, considering he wasn't even there. Not that he can tell her that. But still. "It was acceptable. I continue to gain proficiency in the Dark Arts."

First year curriculum is laughably easy, allowing him to daydream about ingredient combinations in class. Even if he wasn't pretending his magic didn't work right, he's confident that the perfect marks in theory will more than make up for it by the end of the year. Doing homework at his actual level (while pretending to be someone else, twice over; that particular fact never fails to amuse him) should set him up to pass the standardised tests with ease, and his established loner habits give him plenty of time to work on the practical. And he gets to learn under Master Snape. Yes, he's had an excellent semester.

Harriet Potter, being eleven years old and thrown into fifth year at Durmstrang, may not have had such a good time. But he can't bring himself to feel bad for her, seeing as she volunteered and all.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> James's tax return gets audited by the Ministry. A play.

MINISTRY OF MAGIC TAX OFFICER: Sir, you're the Head Auror, you cannot be lying on your taxes.  
JAMES: ??  
TAX OFFICER: We don't judge preferences here, but a strap-on is not considered an educational expense.  
JAMES: !!

JAMES: Harry, why is there a you know what in your school expense account?  
HARRY: Archie was using the account, remember?  
JAMES: Oh, right, yeah, okay. Sirius!

SIRIUS: Archie, you know it's okay to like both boys and girls right?  
ARCHIE: What's this about then?  
SIRIUS: It's the you know what.  
ARCHIE: The what?  
SIRIUS: The, uh, the thing that was ordered from the, uh, _discreet_ shop in Hogsmeade...you know, that one.  
ARCHIE: I'm in love with Hermione!  
SIRIUS: Yes, and I can't believe I'm saying this, but...when you're with someone you love is the best time to...experiment...  
ARCHIE: Too much information, Dad!  
SIRIUS: So who was using it?  
ARCHIE: Um, we got it for, uh, Harry. Definitely not Rigel, because Rigel is a boy, and doesn't need one of those. 

JAMES: Harry, how could you?  
HARRY: I what? What's this about?  
JAMES: It's about your school expense accounts. They get written off on our taxes, remember? So the tax office gets to see what the educational expenses are, so they have to be educational expenses. With me so far?  
HARRY: Potions ingredients are educational expenses. You've said so for years.  
JAMES: But the you know what from the you know where isn't. Oh, that's another thing. You've been selling potions to make rent in the Lower Alleys, right? Did you pay income taxes on that?  
HARRY: Income what?  
JAMES: Also, did you get the ingredients from your school account, which is written off on _my_ taxes, to make the potions you were selling for profit?  
HARRY: I can explain-  
JAMES: Look, switching places with Archie and some random French guy is one thing, but you're implicating me in tax fraud now and that's really not cool. I'm the boss of people whose entire job is hunting down people who commit tax fraud.  
HARRY: Actually, we used Archie's school account too...um I'll shut up now. Oh, but also, I needed the you know what for anatomy and physiology studies.  
JAMES: Is that what you kids are calling it these days? And stop trying to distract me, tax fraud is serious business. 

SIRIUS: You called?  
JAMES: What? No, let's just try to be- uh that is, I mean, look, we're discussing tax fraud here, it's not a laughing matter.  
HARRY: He said it was your business.  
JAMES: You're implying that Sirius had knowledge of the matter by saying it's his business?  
HARRY: That's not what I said-  
JAMES: What kind of business are you running with a you know what anyway? Harry, you're grounded forever.  
SIRIUS: Wait, the tax fraud was about what? Didn't think you had it in you, kid.  
ARCHIE: It wasn't for business!  
JAMES: That's worse. Harry, you're grounded for two forevers. And Sirius, you're grounded too.  
SIRIUS: What? Why?  
JAMES: You're implicated in the business, Harry said so.  
SIRIUS: But-

ARCHIE: Call it like it is. None of this you know what nonsense, it's a-  
HARRY, JAMES AND SIRIUS: SHUT UP ARCHIE  
LILY: Oh for goodness sakes. All four of you have one, even if one of them is fake.  
JAMES: Lily, you're grounded too!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have shamelessly stolen some lines from other people in discord


End file.
